The Feminine Lesbian

When you hear the word 'lesbian' what do you think of?
A butch looking woman with short hair, very little, if any make-up who likes to watch football on TV and play on the Xbox with her straight male buddies.
Well, not all lesbians are butch, in fact some of them are 'femme' (a feminine lesbian) and some of them are 'lipstick' lesbians (feminine lesbians who like other feminine lesbians, however this is all too often associated with the male sex fantasy of lesbian porn). In general the terms butch and femme are well known in the lesbian community and a lot of lesbian couples seem to be made up of a butch woman and a femme woman.

Advantages of being a feminine lesbian:

• You can blend in with your straight friends and no one will know none the wiser. Some straight girls that feel intimidated by lesbians, especially butch ones, may not feel so intimidated by you (but to be honest if your friend is going to be like that I wouldn't say they are worth being friends with).
• You are less likely to experience hate crime, prejudice and discrimination. It's sad to say but: if you look straight then the risks of hate crime are going to plummet, it's a shame that I even have to write this, but: butch lesbians are much more likely to be victims of hate crime and prejudice.

Disadvantages of being a feminine lesbian:

• You are straight until you say so otherwise. People will automatically assume that you are heterosexual just because you 'look heterosexual'. You will have to come out more; and every gay person knows that coming out is not just a one off experience. Yes, you tell your family and your friends, but then every time you meet new people you have to tell them too!!
• It is hard to meet other femmes-as it seems the majoirty of lesbians are more butch than femme.
• At gay clubs you don't 'fit' in. The lesbians may look at you and think: she's straight-when you aren't! 
• You don't fit between the gay and straight spectrum-straight people assume you are straight, as do gay people...so you get lost in the middle.

But-it is who you are! Don't pretend to be someone you are not. Just be true to who you are, as the amazing Jessie J says!

I remember a quote I read on a femme lesbian's blog, it said something along the lines of:
"I am proud of being a lesbian, I am proud to be a femme, I am proud of my girlfriend, but when I am walking down the street I feel that people are judging me and assuming I am straight. It is annoying in gay bars and clubs because other lesbians don't think I am the real deal when I am".

Below is my butch vs femme pros and cons:

Butch

-Have male friends

-Female friends may feel intimidated

-People assume you are gay

-Femmes may be attracted to you

Femme

-Males want to 'turn you'

-Fit in with female friends/they aren't intimidated

-Blend in with the straight community

-People assume you are straight

-Butch lesbians may be attracted to you

WARNING: Femmes:

The annoying things males say to you:

• "Who wears the trousers?"
• "Can I watch/join in?"
• "You haven't met the right man yet"
• "I can turn you"

Links to other Femme blogs/websites:
http://femmeonamission.com/
http://www.whatwegandidnext.com/
http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/why-lipstick-lesbians-have-to-keep-on-coming-out-of-the-closet/