The Borderline Legacy

This is quite a negative post but a lot of people I know with BPD, including myself either don't drive or have a job or both. I wondered why this was. Is it because of our childlike mindsets? Our inability to regulate our emotions or our constant fear of abandonment?

In my self-help group, out of about 10 people only one person had a full time job and drove. One person had a job but didn't drive. I know people in their thirties, still living at home unable to drive. 

I fear that I will become this legacy. I am holding down a job, just about, at the moment but the thought of driving lessons makes me want to run a mile. And I live alone, but in my dad's flat so I always have a parent available if needed and barely pay any bills. I have it quite easy some would say, but I disagree. No-one with Borderline Personality Disorder has it easy.

I am scared of becoming jobless, relying on benefits, alone, unable to drive and look after myself. 

Is this fear irrational? I don't think so. 

I found this quote which is quite derogatory but holds some truth:

The boss gets painted black as soon as he says something the BPD doesn't like. The interpersonal relationships with coworkers go south. The BPD acts impulsively, not considering how their actions may affect their job performance. They are often involved in substance abuse. They don't care about money until they spend it all and need some.

This is somewhat true for SOME people with BPD but not everyone. I've been in the position of the boss being painted black, relationships with colleagues becoming damaged and acting impulsively by resigning. But not so much the rest of it.

I still wonder, why people with BPD seem to be one step behind the rest of the population. Is it their legacy? 

Duvet Days or Depression Days?

Today I had a duvet day.
I didn't get out of bed until 2pm.
I lay there, feeling low and not wanting to move so I didn't, but now I feel worse.
Are duvet days good for people with depression or does it feed the low mood?
I'm not quite sure. Some days, like tomorrow, I have work, so I know I have to be up, makes me want to stay in bed even more but once I'm up at work I feel better.
Bit of a short post. But a question for you...duvet days, good or bad for depression?

Budapest Travel Review

I went to Budapest, Hungary on 3^rd September 2012, from Luton airport. The trip was something I was looking forward to months before it took place; I couldn’t wait to get on the plane and land in the exciting city. I had devoured views of the city online in pictures and videos, but I couldn’t wait to get there and take my own photographs.

We went on Wizz air, a Hungarian airline. We landed at midnight and as I stepped out of the plane, the Hungarian atmosphere clung to my skin.

The language spoken in Budapest is Hungarian. I did not manage to learn any words to speak, other than thank you (köszönöm, pronounced kur-sur-nurm) however you might like to research into the language and educate yourself on it to impress the locals.

The extraordinary city of Budapest managed to baffle me with its charms. I went for four nights (three whole days) and each day was an amazing life-changing experience filled with luscious food and exceptional views that will stay in my mind forever. On the first day my Dad and I explored the buzzing city, saw the market and the many buildings, historical and modern, the Basilica of St Stephen cathedral.

That night we found a cute little restaurant that served typical Hungarian food, where we made up for the energy we had lost whilst walking by shovelling the exquisite food down our throats and quenching our thirst with tangy cider.

The second day was without a doubt the most amazing! My dad and I walked over the Chain Bridge and saw Pest from the Buda side. The view will stay with me forever-the bridge, the fairytale-like parliament building and the flowing river Danu.

We walked in the baking 30-degrees heat, pausing occasionally for a drink break, around the historical Buda Castle, and explored the funky unique town nearby with bright orange buildings and crazy coloured cars.

That night we found a little Italian restaurant in the centre of the city. With people drinking and laughing around us, the nightlife was astounding. The vibe was crackly and exciting, the heat of the day drifted away to leave a warm delicious evening.

The third day we spent exploring the city, and in particular Heroes Square (Heroes Square was built to honour some of the great men of Hungary's History following 1000 years in the Carpathian Basin) filled with historical statues and many other tourists snapping away with their cameras and devouring the views.

Later that day we walked to City Park, it was leafy green and exotic, with water sprinklers that tempted me to run through them shrieking with delight as the cold water cooled my boiling skin.

I highly recommend ‘Central Green’ hotel. It was economically priced, yet good quality; our room had 2 beds, a wardrobe, a TV, a bathroom with our own sink, toilet and shower. Breakfast was served daily for 1000 forints (£3 per person). The location of the hotel was good, as it was near the centre of the city and not a too far walk from anywhere.

Budapest is famous for it spring baths, natural hot water springs made into baths and swimming pools, so I would recommend taking a dip while you are in Budapest.

Whatever you do whilst you are there, make sure you take as many photographs as you can. I perhaps went a little over the top, taking 700 in just three days, but they are photographs I will never tire of looking at. You could even take a video camera with you to capture some of the special atmosphere to take home with you.

Telling people that you have visited this amazing city certainly gains you experience and reputation. This city is on a top ten list of places to visit before you die by the travel site TripAdvisor, and as a general place it is somewhere I highly whole heartedly recommend.

The restaurant we ate in twice was a small typical Hungarian restaurant serving Hungarian goulash which is a stew made with meat and flavoured with paprika and tomatoes. The restaurant was painted a cheerful orange, the food was delicious and the atmosphere was particularly special.

There are many places to visit when you get to Budapest: Heroes Square, riding the funicular railway, crossing the bridge to view the Buda side from Pest, the hot spring baths and the local food market. Make sure you visit as many as you can so that when you get home you can rest assuring yourself that you visited as many places as possible, as this city is a once in a lifetime place to visit.

As a general overlook, the city is a place that can swallow you up because of its size and beauty. Experiences I particularly enjoyed were the Central Market Hall Hungarian market. Held in a big marquee area, there were stalls among stalls of food. Colourful fresh vegetables, salty soft meats, warm baked bread, sweets and treats. It was a market serving local specialities.

It couldn’t be helped, but I ate and drank a lot in the three whole days I was there, the food was exquisite. Hungarian goulash, meats and cheeses, tender chicken with rice and salad, it was impossible to not stuff your face with food. The surreal experience of standing on Pest side looking over to Buda, the river Danu and the parliament buildings is an experience that cannot be deleted from my memory because of its sheer power and beauty.

The city is a dusty, energetic and vibe-filled place, filled with people, scorching in summer, even in September and freezing in winter. It has a definite powerful magic to it, a feeling that becomes part of you, long after you step off the plane in England. This experience in September 2012 will be one I will never forget, because that city has captured a part of my heart and I left it there, along with the outstanding views and lively restaurants. Budapest is a place everyone should see at some point in their life, without a doubt, no matter what.

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