Realising You Are Gay

When I was twelve I realised I was gay and I know how scary it is to realise this, and how you wish you had someone there to talk to, but sometimes there isn’t. I am writing this post for all those teenagers out there who are discovering who they are and need a bit of help with it.

The world has changed for the better since I was twelve, which wasn’t that long ago, now that gay marriage is approved, equality seems to finally be becoming something real.

I wish I had had something to help me in my two confused years. Between the ages of twelve and fourteen I came to terms with my sexuality and I vividly remember googling ‘coming out stories’ and hungrily reading what I found to assure myself I was not the only one feeling this way. When you realise you are different, you are gay, the world suddenly appears alien. Everything you thought and had planned might have changed, your parent’s plans for you will have to change, your life as you know it has changed forever, you are suddenly this alien person, with alien feelings.

Realising you are gay

For me this revelation came when I was twelve years old. It was a bit of a shock but it happened when I gave my friend a Christmas card and she smiled at me, and that was it, I was in love, I knew I was gay. Also the other indicators were my feelings towards female celebrities. When watching films or just TV in general I noticed that I felt attracted to the women, not the men. When my friends discussed guys I just sat there bored, waiting for the subject to change.

You might have known you were gay since you were born, or very young. It may have been something that you just knew. You might discover this fact about yourself when you are a child, or a teenager, or even an adult.

Some people don’t even realise they are gay, they get a partner of the opposite sex and get married and have children and it is then that realise. Some people hide who they are and get married and have children and then find they cannot cope hiding their feelings and come out then. A lot of gay people find that they realise it when they are teenager because that is when most people discover their sexuality, during puberty, when your feelings are starting to make some sense (even though it doesn’t feel like it).

Accepting you are gay is tough. You might not want to believe it. You might be from a strict religious homophobic family, or you might have two mums. Whatever your circumstance you will probably find realising and accepting you are gay is a scary thing to do.

Whatever triggers you to realise you are gay is something you will remember for the rest of your life. It could be an innocent crush on someone of the same sex, or a poster of a celebrity that makes you stop and think, or a TV advert showing a girl in a bikini that makes your head spin

You have to accept yourself before other people can accept you.

If you want other people to accept who you are you have to have accepted it yourself first.

If you are unhappy about the fact that you are gay, this is only a natural reaction. Life will be different and generally a little bit harder, but it’s not all doom and gloom, you can have a civil partnership, maybe get married soon, you have basically the same rights as straight people, it is no longer illegal to be gay like it used to be before 1967.

There are loads of famous celebrities who are gay and living happy full lives and there are masses of ordinary people who are living full and happy lives who just happen to be gay.

Although there are negative attachments like more chance of suffering from mental illness, bullying and isolation from society and fewer rights, being gay is not as depressing as you might be thinking it is. You get to go to gay pride and wave a rainbow coloured flag listening to Gloria Gaynor’s ‘I Am Who I Am’.

This post was featured on When Sally Met Sally on 29th August 2013.

http://www.whensallymetsally.co.uk/features/blogs/coming-out-gay-lesbian-bisexual-teenagers-advice