When Is A Wife Not A Wife? When She’s A Non-Gender-Specific Pronoun

I started planning this post when we were on honeymoon – ran sentences through my mind, chatted about the subject matter with L – but what with the jet lag and the starting back at work and the having approximately ONE BAJILLION THINGS to do at work… Time kinda got away from me and it’s about time I sat down and actually wrote this goddamn blog post.

So here goes…

If you follow me on Twitter, you may have been aware of a bit of banter I had with @heidistephens and @hilary_w shortly after my wedding where we discussed how the novelty of saying that I had a wife certainly hadn’t worn off yet.  To be honest most of the conversation involved us sending messages composed entirely of the word “wife”, but it was rather amusing.

And I still haven’t got over the novelty of saying it.  I address L as “wife” whenever possible and it’s been fun being back at work and being able to ask people, “Do you know where my wife is?”

But it’s funny – funny strange, not funny haha – that in some situations I find myself holding back.

Before we were married, I’d refer to my “partner”, or my “fiancee”: both words that carry unisex connotations (unless you write the word fiancee, obviously!).  A while back L had a toothache and I went out to get her something a bit stronger than the ibuprofen we had in our bathroom cupboard.  I explained to the pharmacist that my partner had a toothache, that regular painkillers just weren’t touching it and enquired whether she could recommend anything stronger.  She suggested a pack of co-codamol, asking me, “Is he on any other medication?”

I said no, paid for the tablets and left.

I like to think of myself as an out-and-proud gay woman.  So what the fuck stopped me from using a gender-specific pronoun, or even correcting the lady when she referred to my partner as “he”?  I told myself at the time that it didn’t really matter – I was literally at the point of paying for the product and who cares if the pharmacist in Morrison’s knows I’m a big lezza? – but I couldn’t help feeling a sense of disappointment in myself too.

Maybe part of the reason I’m so enchanted with the word “wife” is because I know it does – even in this day and age – still have the potential to blow people’s minds.  Just yesterday one of the new teaching assistants at work asked what my husband did.  Of course, because I am out at work it was no problem for me to correct her – in fact it would have been far worse if I hadn’t! – but I could tell that I’d thrown her and she felt like she was in the wrong for making the assumption I was straight.

Still, as much as I wouldn’t have wanted her to feel badly, her reaction was preferable to others I’ve encountered.

Before the wedding we visited a few wedding fairs.  Most were quite civilised affairs that gave us ideas, inspiration and products to choose from.  Others, however, made you feel like Del Boy was stalking you, trying to shove his product or service down your throat.  At one such fair we encountered Ron, the Toastmaster.  We were there with my mum and had quickly cottoned on to the hard sell that was coming from all angles.  Consequently we tried to maintain a minimum two metre radius between us and any stalls, studiously avoiding eye contact with any stall holders at all costs.  Unfortunately, Ron managed to collar us.  ”So, which one’s the bride then?”

“We both are.”

“What?  Both of you?”

“Yes, we’re marrying each other.”

“No.”

“………Um….yes.”

“You’re having me on!”

At this point my mum had to walk away, but he had L trapped so I stayed with her, not that it did much good.  He asked for the date of the wedding and then proceeded to tell her, in great detail, how he would announce her and her new husband, make her feel like a princess – because when her husband first clapped eyes on her in her wedding dress, he’d think she looked like a princess – and then announce their first dance as husband and wife.

We got out of there as soon as humanly possible (although, to be fair, that was also where we found our photographer so it wasn’t a total loss) and I was left completely bewildered that someone could be so, well, so ridiculously homophobic.  Because ultimately, although he didn’t overtly criticise or insult our sexuality, his attitude was one of complete dismissal of the concept of two women marrying one another.

And that was a situation where one might expect to encounter a gay couple planning on getting married.  You wouldn’t necessarily expect it at the pharmacy in Morrison’s.

But then, why not?  Why am I so afraid that if I admit to a perfect stranger that I prefer the fairer sex, I will blow their tiny little mind? Most likely, even if they do have some kind of problem with it, they won’t comment.  And my honesty might actually make people realise that it’s not so weird after all and that, OMG, gay people are people just like US.

When we got off the plane in Mexico, we had to show immigration forms as we went through Passport Control.  One form was a general “what is the purpose of your visit” form and the other was in regard to whether or not you were bringing anything you shouldn’t into the country.  The latter form had to be filled out per family, so I filled one out for both of us.  As we handed it over, the Mexican official asked us if we were related.  I had a moment of inner panic as I weighed up the seriousness of Customs and Excise with the likelihood that Mexicans were going to be okay with gay marriage and eventually blurted out, “Yes, we’re married.”

Without batting an eyelid, he dropped our form into the little box in front of him and said, “Okay, have a great vacation.”

If I was guaranteed that response every time, I know I’d have no problem announcing to the world that I have a wife.  I could even probably tolerate the “Ohhh, good for you!” response that sometimes comes with it.

But I know that, really, I need to suck it up, grow a pair, and just be goddamn honest with people because, until we drum it into the Ron’s of this world that lesbians really do exist and actually are normal, high-functioning members of society, we’ll never get to the point where our sexual preference doesn’t even raise an eyebrow.

I wouldn’t want my children to feel like they can’t tell people they have two mums, so I need to lead by example.  It’s funny, because coming out to my friends and family was never an issue – I knew they’d all be accepting and happy for me – but there’s a real fear of the unknown with regards to coming out to strangers and that’s sad.  Our liberal, Western, modern world still isn’t a place we can all feel totally comfortable and accepted by everyone, but I guess only we can begin to make it that way.

Article taken from Becoming Mums

Unholy Matrimony

Before we started planning our wedding, I didn’t know much about Civil Partnerships.  I knew that legislation had been passed that afforded gay people the same legal rights as straight people following a ceremony, but I hadn’t given it much thought aside from that.

When we got the first bits of paperwork through from Kent County Council, I went on their website and looked up details about our ceremony.  I was surprised to note that it specified that a Civil Partnership could only be between two people of the same sex.  It hadn’t really occurred to me that this might be something only available to gay couples.  After all, straight friends of mine have had Civil Marriage Ceremonies; what was the difference?

It was my nan who actually asked us that question.  And I didn’t know the answer.  So, like all good 21st Century gals, I turned to Google.

It turned out there wasn’t really a difference.  We could still have a ceremony, although it wasn’t essential, and we would have all the same legal rights as we would if we were a straight, married couple.

But we couldn’t technically, officially say we were married.

When the legislation was introduced, in December 2005, there was still uproar from certain religious circles, despite the fact that the government had specifically avoided referring to this legal recognition of a relationship as a “marriage”.

What it boils down to is that the only significant difference between a Civil Marriage Ceremony and a Civil Partnership is religion.  A Civil Marriage Ceremony may contain religious aspects.  A Civil Partnership may not.

Now this was neither here nor there to us.  We had no desire to include any religious aspects and there are plenty of beautiful secular readings out there to pad out your ceremony and reflect the way the two of you feel about your relationship.

But.

It kind of bothered me.  Bothers me.  The only thing making us have to tick the “Civil Partnered” box, rather than the “Married” box on a form, is religion.

The UK government has announced plans to launch a consultation into gay marriage in March 2012 and this will be the first time any British government has actually considered full marriage rights for gay and lesbian couples.  About bloody time, quite frankly!

I’m incredibly grateful that my wife and I (I’m probably not officially allowed to call her that, but really, “Civil Partner” is a fucking mouthful!) have been able to have a legally recognised partnership, but I do think it’s ridiculous that we’re not allowed to call it a marriage, lest we upset the poor, bigoted religious types*, who preach love and tolerance, but seem to struggle to put any of this into practice.

It’s about time we had real marriage equality in this country.  As far as I’m concerned, I got married to my wife, but I’d quite like the law to recognise that too.

*It’s only fair to say that my ire is directed solely at the self-righteous, prejudice laden religious types, who I know are not representative of all religious people.

Article from Becoming Mums

Is Suicide Ever The Answer?

This topic is quite raw and deep, and something many people have strong opinions on.

"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem".

This is true. Once you are gone, you are gone...But what if life before you died was not worth living? I don't mean if you are suffering from a long term illness/terminal illness and want to end your life via euthanasia which is currently illegal in the UK, I mean those suffering with such severe mental health issues that life just doesn't seem an option any more.
I am not trying to promote suicide; quite the opposite. I believe there is always a solution, no matter how bad things seem at the time - whether you've been dumped, failed an exam, had a bad haircut or lost a loved one: time does heal your wounds.
Coming from personal experience as someone who has previously attempted suicide I have to admit it did seem an option, and almost glorifying at the time. It was my ticket out of this world, an end to all the pain. But now I am glad I stuck around because I have my entire life ahead of me so I may as well stick it out to see how it goes.
Suicide rates are higher in gay teenagers than straight teenagers, which is not surprising considering all that homosexual adolescents have to endure: coming out, homophobia, self acceptance, isolation.

I will say this: Things get better. It is cliché  but it is true. Things may seem unbearable now but in a few days, weeks, months or even years I promise you that your emotions will have shifted and you will see the world in a different, hopefully more positive light.

If you have been affected by any of the above or you or anyone you know is contemplating suicide, please visit: Samaritans
This page is also really helpful if you are feeling suicidal.

Did My Mother Wish For A Gay Child?

                                 "Parents should show unconditional love".

Was Tory |MYthat no parent wants a gay child? As a "gay child," hearing the statement repeatedly on the news is not a very nice feeling, to think that your parents didn't want you, that if my mother knew she was carrying a lesbian in her ever-expanding belly, she would have no longer wanted the child growing inside her. Do I think parents ever sit there and wish that there child were gay? No, not when they have the preconception that being gay could lead to a lonely, bullied life of always falling victim to a lack of rights and the prejudice of others. Of course, this is not how it always turns out

Was Tory MP David Davies wrong in stating that no parent wants a gay child? As a "gay child," hearing the statement repeatedly on the news is not a very nice feeling, to think that your parents didn't want you, that if my mother knew she was carrying a lesbian in her ever-expanding belly, she would have no longer wanted the child growing inside her. Do I think parents ever sit there and wish that there child were gay? No, not when they have the preconception that being gay could lead to a lonely, bullied life of always falling victim to a lack of rights and the prejudice of others. Of course, this is not how it always turns out.

My mother just so happened to give birth to a very premature baby at 28 weeks and named her Megan. I fought for my life, weighing only 1.14 pounds. I've gone on to adapt and succeed in life in my own way, obtaining not only a degree but a masters. All that my mother cared about was that I survived and could live on as her precious firstborn. I came out to my mother at 16 years old. Not surprisingly, she was shattered. Her hopes of seeing me get married, be cared for by a husband and bear her grandchildren all gave way to an image of me bringing home a butch girlfriend and living a life of torment. Then one day she realized that I could be happy, very happy, in fact. I have never been bullied for being gay, even though despite not "looking" gay, I have always been very vocal about my sexual orientation.

I met my beautiful wife in 2008, and we embarked on a long-long-distance relationship, traveling back and forth between the UK and Hawaii for four years. The fact that we had to endure such a great distance between us is the biggest difference between our relationship and most others. We love each other more than life itself, and we have always dreamed of the day when we would be able to live together as wife and wife, which we are very lucky to be able to do now. We look forward to building our future together, and we plan to have children one day -- one each, in fact. My mother cried tears of joy as we had our a civil partnership ceremony in September 2012, and she will be there to greet her grandchildren.

Whitney and I will always take care of one another. I live the same promising life as any straight person, though some may not be lucky enough to find their soul mate by the age of 25. So do I think my mother would wish I weren't gay? I don't think so. She couldn't wish for a better life for me. I'm perfectly happy as I am -- in fact, slightly happier, because the UK government has announced that it is bringing the plans for equal marriage forward to next year. We got to have a civil partnership ceremony, and now we will be able to share a beautiful wedding with family and friends.

Do I think some parents pray that their child turns out straight? I'm sure they do, and shame on them. I, for one, just hope my child turns out happy. With two loving and doting mummies, I have no doubt that that is exactly what they will be, irrespective of whom they one day fall in love with.

To follow my journey with Whitney, please visit our blog What Wegan Did Next, or follow us on Facebook and Twitter.

Article by Megan Evans: blogger, LGB and equality activist. 

Dear Seth: A Letter To The Baby Of Lesbian Mums

Same sex parenting has been in the news again, the very week two of my best friends had their beautiful baby boy Seth. This is a letter I wrote to him.

Dear Seth,

As I write this you are days old. You are so small and so fragile and oh so beautiful and already you are very, very loved. Your tiny eyes must be struggling to process all the visual noise around you and trying hard to make sense of it all. It’s pretty overwhelming, I know, but hang in there kid. You’ll get used to it. Being new in town is daunting, hey? All these people that want to meet you and cuddle you must seem terrifying now, but believe me, they mean well.

What do you make of the world so far? I know it’s wet and miserable today but soon you’ll see that it’s a beautiful place full of wonder. It’s a very different place in 2012 to the way it was when I was born. You’ll probably never make a telephone call from a phone box and when you’re a bit older you’ll sit wide eyed and disbelieving when you realise there was a time before the Internet existed. You might never know what a cassette tape was or watch a VHS, and you’ll never taste an Opal Fruit, drink Creamola Foam or push a Push Pop.

Your Mummies are cool, hey? They are two of my best friends in the whole world and we’ve had some great times together. Mamma B and I used to stay up to all hours before you were born, drinking and dancing and setting the world to rights. When you’re older you can come on one of our legendary boy’s night’s out. Would you like that? You’ll soon realise that there’s more to your mummies than just boobs and milk and you’ll see that they are both incredibly special people who love you more than you will ever be able to comprehend, even if you live to the ripe old age of 100. I remember when they told us they were having you, we went out for dinner and when they showed us all the little picture of you in Mamma E’s tummy, I couldn’t stop the big fat tears rolling down my face. You couldn’t have asked for two more wonderfully supportive and caring parents Seth, honestly, and I know the three of you are going to be so, so happy together.

When you are a bit older, having two mums won’t be a big deal and when you start school there will probably be other boys and girls who have two mums or two dads and no one will bat an eyelid. You won’t believe that there was a time that people didn’t understand that what’s important is love and that the gender of your parents is irrelevant. But there was, not long ago. Before you were born, some people thought having two mums or two dads was weird and even wanted to stop them from having a family. People like your mummies weren’t even allowed to get married or have the same rights as your aunties and uncles. In some countries, your mummies would even go to jail just for loving each other. Crazy, eh? When you get to high school, you might learn about the Stonewall riots, the decriminalisation of homosexuality or Section 28 but it will be so alien to you it’ll seem like fiction. The world wasn’t always so bright, little man, and for a long time people had to hide who they were but we’re trying so hard to make it better for you. So you’ll never know what it’s like to be hated because of who you love.

The very same week you were born, this second rate actor called Rupert Everett even said that he couldn’t think of anything worse than having two gay dads. Rupert’s mum isn’t supportive and loving like yours are, and she doesn’t like her son being gay. She thinks children need a father and a mother, and even said that: “In the past, I have said that I wish Rupert was straight and, I probably still feel that. I’d like him to have a pretty wife. I’d like him to have children.” I’m sure you’ll have a few choice words for them when you learn how to talk.

Everett isn’t the only one, unfortunately. There’s a man called Alan Duncan who is the Minister of State for International Development who says he’s “seriously uneasy” with families like yours. I don’t need to tell you this, but there’s a wealth of evidence that shows growing up with two mummies actually found children like you doing better academically and something big and important called the American Psychological Society concluded in 2004 that: “lesbian and gay parents are as likely as heterosexual parents to provide supportive and healthy environments for their children.”

It’s like Patrick Strudwick says: “Love, in whatever form, nurtures. Fear, in all manifestations, stunts and deforms.”

When you’re at school, you might start noticing girls or you might start noticing boys. Either way, Mamma B and Mamma E will be there for you. They will never want you to be anything other than yourself or tell you that they wish you were anything else but happy. Seth, you are the luckiest little boy in the world. Never stop believing that you can be anything or anyone that you want to be. You’ve got so much opportunity at your feet and two wonderful parents that will have your back whatever may be. The world you’ve just come into is far from perfect, but we’re working on it, and by the time you’re my age, I hope that prejudice will be a thing of the past.

Love you little one,

Carrie xxx

Article by Carrie Lyell from the website Lesbilicious

10 Reasons Why The Government Should Allow Equal Marriage

It will not undermine marriage. What about straight couples who get married for fun at 2am in the morning? And those who divorce and re-marry several times?

Marriage is not only for the creation of children. There are infertile couples, elderly couples and straight couples NOT wanting to have children.

Equality will not be true equality until all people can marry, regardless of their sexuality. Calling it something else shows inequality.

The argument that once we allow same sex marriage we might soon allow polygamy is ridiculous. Gay people are no more or less promiscuous as straight people.

Gay people can be perfectly good parents. There are all sorts of parents nowadays, step, half, single, even abusive parents and as long as a child is shown love and support they will flourish.

Unless you are prepared to say that gay people are not human beings they should be allowed the same right as everyone else.

If you substitute the word ‘gay’ for ‘black’ or ‘Asian’, think how wrong it sounds. All black people should not be allowed to marry; all Asian people should not be allowed to raise children. Homophobia is just another type of racism.

The traditional aspects of marriage will not change. They have already changed, after all there is no longer marital rape, and women are no longer property.

Religion will not agree with gay marriage. Because we live by every Bible standard and DON’T cut out hair, eat pork or work on a Sunday.

Love is love. Regardless of gender.

Written in response to Coalition For Marriage's leaflet '10 reasons why the government are wrong to redefine marriage'.

Why Is Having A Rational Opinion Against Gay Marriage Considered Homophobia?

Rationality is one of those things that is always relative. You can be anti-marriage equality and quite lovely otherwise, but unless you can come up with a non-religious, backed-up-by-facts reason why my wife and I should not be allowed to get the legal benefits assigned without question to drug addicts, child abusers, grifters, murderers, and politicians who happen to be in heterosexual relationships, you have no "rational" basis for your position. 

This is the crux of the matter. You are welcome to be against marriage equality, but chances are you have one of several reasons for your feelings and none of them are actually rational. The definition of marriage has changed many times over the years. It's not rational to believe it has not. In my lifetime it has changed, when interracial marriages were made legal federally. So there is no rationality in insisting that the definition has not changed for hundreds (much less thousands) of years. It's irrational to rely on the Bible as a guide, since men had multiple wives and slept with slaves in the pages of those books.

So, what rational basis for not supporting marriage equality exists? Let's take a look at some of the most common arguments.

Children are *not* why people get married 100 percent of the time, so obsessing about them is not rational. We allow infertile heterosexual couples to gain the benefits of marriage. Almost every study has pointed to the fact that children raised by same-sex couples are perfectly fine. The one study that is flogged as contradicting this has been retracted by the journal that published it and repudiated by every major medical organization.

The country will gain more taxes if you allow me to marry. So it will be a net benefit to the bottom line. Private sector has already acknowledged that benefits for families of any kind is good for business.

That leaves the fact that it just bugs the hell out of you. The world is changing and you do not like it. That's a valid reason, and a human one, but you know ... it's not rational.

When you have a truly rational reason, that is not based in fear, loathing, selfishness, pride, anger, or lust, then sure, we'll consider it something other than homophobia.

An article by Erica Friedman

The Feminine Lesbian

When you hear the word 'lesbian' what do you think of?
A butch looking woman with short hair, very little, if any make-up who likes to watch football on TV and play on the Xbox with her straight male buddies.
Well, not all lesbians are butch, in fact some of them are 'femme' (a feminine lesbian) and some of them are 'lipstick' lesbians (feminine lesbians who like other feminine lesbians, however this is all too often associated with the male sex fantasy of lesbian porn). In general the terms butch and femme are well known in the lesbian community and a lot of lesbian couples seem to be made up of a butch woman and a femme woman.

Advantages of being a feminine lesbian:

• You can blend in with your straight friends and no one will know none the wiser. Some straight girls that feel intimidated by lesbians, especially butch ones, may not feel so intimidated by you (but to be honest if your friend is going to be like that I wouldn't say they are worth being friends with).
• You are less likely to experience hate crime, prejudice and discrimination. It's sad to say but: if you look straight then the risks of hate crime are going to plummet, it's a shame that I even have to write this, but: butch lesbians are much more likely to be victims of hate crime and prejudice.

Disadvantages of being a feminine lesbian:

• You are straight until you say so otherwise. People will automatically assume that you are heterosexual just because you 'look heterosexual'. You will have to come out more; and every gay person knows that coming out is not just a one off experience. Yes, you tell your family and your friends, but then every time you meet new people you have to tell them too!!
• It is hard to meet other femmes-as it seems the majoirty of lesbians are more butch than femme.
• At gay clubs you don't 'fit' in. The lesbians may look at you and think: she's straight-when you aren't! 
• You don't fit between the gay and straight spectrum-straight people assume you are straight, as do gay people...so you get lost in the middle.

But-it is who you are! Don't pretend to be someone you are not. Just be true to who you are, as the amazing Jessie J says!

I remember a quote I read on a femme lesbian's blog, it said something along the lines of:
"I am proud of being a lesbian, I am proud to be a femme, I am proud of my girlfriend, but when I am walking down the street I feel that people are judging me and assuming I am straight. It is annoying in gay bars and clubs because other lesbians don't think I am the real deal when I am".

Below is my butch vs femme pros and cons:

Butch

-Have male friends

-Female friends may feel intimidated

-People assume you are gay

-Femmes may be attracted to you

Femme

-Males want to 'turn you'

-Fit in with female friends/they aren't intimidated

-Blend in with the straight community

-People assume you are straight

-Butch lesbians may be attracted to you

WARNING: Femmes:

The annoying things males say to you:

• "Who wears the trousers?"
• "Can I watch/join in?"
• "You haven't met the right man yet"
• "I can turn you"

Links to other Femme blogs/websites:
http://femmeonamission.com/
http://www.whatwegandidnext.com/
http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/why-lipstick-lesbians-have-to-keep-on-coming-out-of-the-closet/

Femme Invisibility

If asked to think of a lesbian, most people's thoughts drift to the stereotypical image of a butch lesbian. It may come as a surprise to some that this is not the only type of lesbian that exists, oh no -- there are some who are "femmes."

For those of you who don't know, "femme" refers to feminine-looking lesbians (e.g., my fiancée and me). Such women are also known as "lipstick lesbians," but this tends to be more associated with feminine lesbians who like other feminine lesbians. This is a phrase I've always liked and used, and I only recently found out that others avoid using it, pointing to its supposed links to male sexual fantasy.

Despite slightly increased visibility (mainly thanks to fictional characters), one issue remains for femme lesbians: how to be recognised as being a lesbian. People look for the telltale signs to figure out whether a woman is a lesbian or not: short hair, no makeup, wearing baggy jeans and a t-shirt. Some lesbians can be spotted right away, and there are those who are a mix between masculine and feminine and are slightly easier to spot, especially for the well-trained lesbian eye. But what about femmes?

We suffer from femme invisibility. We mainly slip under the radars of both straight and gay people. For example, I used to go out gay clubbing twice a week whilst at university (the majority of my friends were gay males), and it was very hard for me to find a lady when out because 1) other lesbians most likely assumed I was straight or a "fag hag," and 2) I assumed the majority of pretty ladies in the club were straight or fag hags. See the dilemma? I often felt that flashing a neon sign proclaiming "Yes, I am gay" would help. I've also observed the frequency of couplings of femmes with butch lesbians; it seems far rarer to see a femme/femme couple. I've toyed with the idea of ditching my heels, dress, and lipstick for a polo shirt, jeans, and Converse sneakers for a night out, just to see what would happen, but I just couldn't do it. Luckily, I ended up meeting my lovely other half online, and three years later we are engaged.

Many other femmes ask us how to find fellow femmes to date, and the answer is that it's not easy. Looking femme has its disadvantages: not only is it harder for femme lesbians to find girlfriends and avoid those fears of being "forever alone," but femme lesbians also get looked at by other lesbians like we don't belong, and straight people don't believe we're gay. Don't get me started on the hassle I get from straight males, who often say things to me like, "But you're too pretty to be gay," or, "Who wears the trousers?" So femme lesbians are left wondering, "Where exactly do I fit in, and where can I find others like me?"

It seems that within the last couple of years, the representation of lesbians has risen on TV. In particular, there has been an influx of femme lesbian characters, like Santana on Glee, Emily onPretty Little Liars, Sian and Sophie on Coronation Street, and Callie and Arizona in Grey's Anatomy. This is rather welcome, as a lot of TV series bring in gay male characters but rarely lesbians. There does, however, seem to be a peculiar trend of keeping gay male characters around longer, and the writers definitely don't try to turn them "straight" again. Conversely, TV series will follow the story of a feminine woman coming to terms with being gay, establishing a relationship, and coming out to everyone, but she will then be shown returning to a male either for sex (The Kids Are All Right, a movie, granted, but still) or to form a relationship. This is rather disheartening, and although this sort of trajectory may be true for some lesbians out there, it perpetuates the idea that lesbians can be "turned" while gay men cannot, when in fact we are probably born the way we are, and just because we are femme does not mean that we will one day be swayed by men.

The question remains: how do we tackle femme invisibility? More and more gay men are coming out in the celebrity world, but there is still a great lack of openly out and proud feminine lesbians. We have Portia de Rossi, up-and-coming actress Amber Heard, Miss California hopeful Mollie Thomas, and country singer Chely Wright. I'm not sure Lindsay Lohan or Megan Fox really count, do they? There is a great lack of lesbian role models. Who do the young lesbians have to show them that they can be feminine and still be gay? Growing up is confusing for anyone, and I certainly felt that there was no one to look up to and help me see that my future could be bright, with a gorgeous wife and the house with the white, picket fence.

In order to help tackle the conundrum of femme invisibility, I launched a Femme Visibility campaign on my blog, What Wegan Did Next, with the simple plan of inviting femme lesbians to send in their photos and together take a step toward shattering stereotypes and pulling off our invisibility cloak. If you are a fellow femme and want to stand up loud and proud and join in with the voices of other femmes, please email your photo to whatwegandidnext@gmail.com.

Article by Megan Evans from Huffington Post

Just A Little Green Leaflet

I wrote the below poem in response to Coalition For Marriage's leaflets I kept getting through my door entitled: 10 reasons why the government are wrong to redefine marriage. 
On a positive note you can visit the Coalition For Equal Marriage's website, they are an equal marriage group who want marriage to be legal for same sex couples!

Just A Little Green Leaflet

You think you don’t hurt

That your words don’t break my skin

It’s just our point of view

That you’re living in sin

One man one woman

Traditional ceremony

Because gays can’t find

Happiness you see

Of course they can

Don’t be so ignorant

It’s like you’re living in the 60s

Homophobic and confident

Just a little green leaflet

It won’t hurt a fly

You don’t realise it you see

That you’re the reason why

So many teens

Are taking their lives

Jumping from buildings

Can’t find a way to survive

10 reasons why the government

Are wrong to redefine marriage

It should stay the old way

Bride, groom, horse’s carriage

Well let me tell you

Equal marriage is right

Here you go, let me say

I'm not giving up this fight

There are couples who marry

In Las Vegas at 2am

Barely know each other

You think that’s love to them?

It’s to make children

You homophobes say

What about the infertile

And the elderly?

There are civil partnerships

You've got equality

Well no we haven’t

If it’s named differently

You think that changing the laws

Of marriage equality

Will promote promiscuity

And polygamy

Well that’s so wrong it makes me laugh

I don’t want twenty girlfriends

I just want to marry

The one I’ll love til the end

And gays having kids

That makes your skin crawl

Coz there’s parents who abuse

Kick, hit and name call

They let their children starve

And slouch around smoking weed

So heterosexual parents

Aren't always what kids need

Isn't having two Mums

Better than having none at all?

And having two Dads

You’d be ace at football

We’re human just like you

Got the same DNA

Blood and guts, heart and brains

Just wired to be gay

If you change ‘gay’ to ‘black’

Think how bad it seems

All black people can’t marry

It’s racism of gender themes

You think that marriage

Will change for evermore

It’ll be altered

From it’s traditional core

We’re just like you

The only difference is we’re gay

We’ll argue with our partners

And have barbecues in May

Marriage has changed already

Women are no longer sold by their man

There are inter racial weddings

So why say gay marriage needs a ban?

You bring out the Bible

And quote Leviticus

Don’t bring God into it

It won’t change us

It’s wrong to eat pork

Is it as bad as being gay?

And the bible says

You can’t work on a Sunday

So think about it now

I dare you, go on

Do you still think

Equal marriage is wrong?

By Victoria Munro aged 17